Child loss - Genetic Variations - Infertility

Pregnancy doesn’t always end with a healthy baby

We are never the same again after the loss of a child.

Life is suddenly split into two segments — before the loss & after the loss.

Time stops for us, but the world still goes round.

People don’t understand the pain.

Pregnancy & childbirth are expected to be a time of joy & excitement, so when things don’t go as planned it is absolute devastation.

We are physically, mentally, and emotionally wired as women to connect with our baby as early as we see that positive pregnancy test. Our minds begin to paint a picture of the future, creating hopes, dreams, & expectations. This growing mother & baby physical, mental, & emotional relationship is what makes the loss of a child even more difficult.

It is the complete relationship that was supposed to be, but never was… 

Loss is not something we simply get over, it is something that in the fullness of time, becomes a part of us. It becomes integrated into who we are, down to the core of our identity. It shapes our present & future.

Rainbow Baby

Finding yourself pregnant after a loss brings about many complicated emotions - the crippling grief alongside the excitement, joy, anxiety, fear & guilt…

It’s another chance to carry another very wanted baby, & you hope for nothing more than for your baby to be safe & healthy.

And yet the fear can be overwhelming - what if you lose this baby too?

And then the guilt creeps in - is it too soon to have another baby? Does this mean your other precious baby is forgotten? Will others think you are trying to replace your loss?

The truth is, this baby will carry the love you have & will always have for the child you lost, AND at the same time all of your conflicting feelings are valid & normal.

Abortion

Finding yourself pregnant after a prior abortion can bring up a lot of traumatizing & painful experiences. Along with all of the usual feelings there are often added layers of shame, regret, or what-ifs.

Genetic Variations

It is difficult to find out your child has a genetic variation while still in the womb & furthermore faced with a decision to carry to term or terminate the pregnancy. It can be both heartbreaking & earth shattering, & impacts your entire perspective of your child’s life set out before them. Your hopes, dreams, & expectations have completely changed from the ones you have already created throughout your pregnancy.

Infertility

The grief that accompanied every single negative pregnancy test & stole your hope from you. Betrayed by your own body, yet again. The fear through pregnancy that the moment you have been waiting for all of this time is only fleeting & might not ever happen for you. The fertility treatments have taken their toll on you physically & emotionally. Even with a healthy baby, the trauma of your journey lingers.

The Transformation of Grief

Each loss experience, even though similar to others at times, is completely unique to you. I cannot pretend to know the pain you are experiencing as a result of your own loss. Instead, I can grieve with you, explore ways to memorialize your child’s life, help you cope & thrive in your current pregnancy, & find healing for your mama’s heart.

You are not a failure.

Loss takes away important parts of ourselves yet, at the same time, has the potential to make us more — to give us a new perspective on life, deeper meaning, a fresh purpose.

Grief & joy are not opposing emotions — instead, they are coexisting & would not exist in the absence of the other. Without a sense of joy, we would not be able to experience the true value of what is lost through the grief of the soul.

Loss has the power to define us — but it does not have to break us. And although healing, good, & transformation can come from it, the positives will never erase the evil or right the wrong of it all. But we can find out how to live again as we unify that painful part into our healthy whole.